Internet Dating

 Holy crap boys and girls, there are some strange ducks out in the pond! I had the bright idea to try this internet dating stuff, so i looked up all these dating sites and damn there are a bunch of them. Everything from E-Harmony to Booty Call.com. I got this idea from all these commercials on TV, you know the ones. After the 427 question personality test, we met online and were married three months later. They never tell you how long it took them to divorce. So here I go trying to fill out this survey honestly. Shite, they ask some realy personal questions and they are repetitive as hell! After going through all that, I hit the submit button and do you know what happened? Absolutely nothing!!! I am the only person on the planet that E-Harmony can’t match!! Now I know that I’m not that screwed up, so I tried a couple of others. Same thing over and over!! That’s what you get for being honest. I did this stuff because you can’t go to a bar, have a few beverages, and ask some girl out or whatever. They know karate!! Not only will the kick your arse, they’ll sue you for all you’re worth!!! I figured that I might be safe on the other end of a computer, but nnnoooo!! I can’t even get slapped, turned down, or anything! Hell, I give up!! Guess it’s booty call.com for my fat Irish arse!! Now where did I put that profile picture of George Cloony……..until we next meet….mac

Life It’s Ownself

Well boys and girls, I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch for a while, but you see, I’ve been trying to figure out something. At what point did I evolve to the place where I have no life? I mean, I go to work, I come home, sleep, then start over again. I don’t mean it like I’m sitting on a bean bag chair, naked, eating Cheetos, I mean that I became boring. I know I”m getting older, but damn! This Sucks!!! I think I need a change. I mean something big. Maybe change the job, or the hobbies, or the beer that I consume…….wait, scratch that last one. That’s it!!! I need a new hobby!! Sure, that’s the ticket! I could take up golf, or sailing, maybe tennis………wait, wait, wait…..I’m a fat Irishman in Texas. None of those will work. Oh, I got it! I’m going to Florida and hunt me some zombies!!! Hell Yes!!! No, no, no, that won’t work. You have to wait until they come to you. OK, any suggestions from you guys. Hey, I might be on to something here. You guys come up with a new hobby for me to try! I’ll let you come up with something over the next week and we’ll see how it go’s. In the mean time I’ll be right here. Now, where did I put those Cheetos…….mac

THE ZOMBIRS ARE COMING

  Ok boys and girls, I might have been wrong about ground zero of the zombie uprising. It will not be at your local Walmart. It seems that east coast is a better breeding ground for this shite. There have been a couple of episodes of zombie behavior in the last two weeks and frankly I’m getting a bit worried. There was a guy in Maryland who killed and ate some of his roommate and then some dude in Florida beat and ate most of the face off of a homeless man. This crap has got to stop. I know the dude in Florida was high on a designer drug called bathsalts. Think LSD with a touch of amphetimines for good luck, but the guy in Maryland wasn’t on anything. He just Hannibal Lectered the dude! I do wonder if he preferred Chianti over Merlot…..just saying. Anyway this has to come to a halt,now!!! People, it’s only fiction! Movies, make believe, not fricking real!! Do not go out and eat the face off of your friends!! If this keeps up, you’ll start seeing people up on rooftops with rifles shooting anyone who looks like they might eat your brain! Of course this would cut down on door to door solicitors and religious groups….hhhhmmmmm. I can see it now, a door bell rings, Lester or Polly Esther answers it to find some guy standing there on the porch, who says ” May I interest you in information on a way to change..” BANG-BANG….” Did he say change or brains?”……oh well……until we next meet……mac